


Du får meg til å kjøre meg opp

by fullthrottle



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys with feelings, M/M, Mental Illness, some language, this is just me describing one of the ways I wouldn't mind their reunion going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullthrottle/pseuds/fullthrottle
Summary: After four consecutive days of research about mania and bipolar disorder, Isak feels like today might be the day that he’ll find the balls to fucking talk to Even.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii so I just wrote this real quick, and it isn't edited quite yet. Any and all mistakes are mine, and I own none of the characters or the plot of SKAM.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it!

To put it mildly, Isak is a mess at the moment. His world has just recently flipped on its axis (again), spinning so that he’s dizzy with it, and now it all seems to be crashing down on him. He wasn’t lying, when he told Even that nothing made sense to him—Isak genuinely feels thrown for a loop here. He has no idea what to think, or who to believe. The person Isak doubts most of all is himself. Sonja’s words constantly interrupt his thoughts, making it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything but that moment, the sweet, sudden relief that the police had found him, together with his still-pounding heartbeat from the previous panic of having no idea if Even was safe or—No matter, the relief shattered at Sonja’s next words, and utter despair set in upon hearing her mock, “Do you think he’s in love with you? He’s not.”

Before Sonja got out of that taxi, Isak was under the impression that nothing could hurt worse than seeing Even kiss her at that party, after raising Isak’s hopes that they could actually— _what? That you could be_ together _?_ Isak taunts himself.

_“This is just a sick idea he’s having right now!”_

All Isak can think now is that, it didn’t feel like he was alone in it, at least not in the precious hours they spent before everything went to shit.

So, yes, there’s the heartbreak aspect of it all, hitting Isak ten times harder than it did when Even first broke it off with him. With it brings guilt. A lot of it. In the locker room, he and Even didn’t just talk about taking a break from Sonja. Isak remembers again, with no small amount of pain, one of the last things he said to Even that day, about deciding that his life was better without mentally ill people in it, not long at all before Even texted him that he needed time….

 _Fuck, you fucking idiot,_ Isak berates himself. He can hardly blame Even for keeping it all from him, not with all the shit Isak said about his own mother being too crazy for him to be around and how he doesn’t keep in contact with her. Isak wonders why Even bothered to even come to him that night, when he basically demanded that Even choose between his girlfriend of _four years_ , who has clearly helped Even through many times just like the shit show the other night, and Isak, who had been nothing but insensitive and naive.

There’s also the guilt about telling Even to stop messaging him, but to be fair, Isak was barely beginning to process his emotions about everything even now. The hours and days immediately following that night were a slow, gray blur of confusion, anxiety, and total misery to Isak, and Even texting him an endless stream of lyrics Isak didn’t feel like trying to understand did not help matters. After four consecutive days of research about mania and bipolar disorder, though, Isak feels like today might be the day that he’ll find the balls to fucking _talk_ to the man he loves. Even has done his part, so it’s Isak’s turn to save him back now.

                                                                                   ***

Even hasn’t been at school this week at all, and neither he nor Sonja will return Isak’s messages or calls. To put it mildly, Isak is worried. He understands Sonja’s radio silence, but surely Even hasn’t blocked him? Given, Isak did tell Even not to text him. However, the messages he has been sending and the voicemails he has been leaving have become increasingly desperate in nature, so if Even is getting them, he knows Isak _really_ wants to talk to him.

On Thursday, Isak does his best to retrace the steps he took the day he followed Even to his place and finds it very difficult because, not knowing at the time how much he would later wish he would not have, Isak had paid much more attention to Even than the route they had taken. He discovers a familiar street sign eventually and makes his way to Even’s building, a place he remembers with a sharp pang of nostalgia. God, the last time he had arrived at this building, he hadn’t even known Sonja existed yet. He waits for several long minutes until someone exits through the front door, quickly grabbing it and sliding himself through the doorway. Isak _thinks_ he recalls which apartment is Even’s and resolves to knock on every goddamn door in this building if it turns out he doesn’t.

Luckily, he doesn’t have to worry about _that_ because he does get the apartment number right. Unluckily, however, it’s Sonja who answers when he knocks.

Isak braces himself as briefly as he can before saying, “I just want to talk to him. To apologize. Please,” he begs. “I won’t upset him, I promise.”

Sonja shakes her head and doesn’t look sorry about it. “I told you it’s best if you stay away, Isak. I doubt he wants to see you.” Sonja, who Isak can admit is objectively a very beautiful girl, looks like she has spent the past few days pretty similarly to how he has. She looks really tired. And okay, Isak needs to see Even now.

“Maybe you’re right,” Isak concedes. “But I think he and I both deserve explanations, yeah?” He makes direct eye contact with Sonja and holds it steadily, even though he wants badly to look anywhere but at her.

“No,” Sonja denies after a moment. “You’re not good for him, and, trust me, he won’t be good for you.” She tucks a short piece of hair behind one ear in quite an agitated fashion before placing her hand where Isak can no longer see it, likely on the knob on her side of the door. She’s wrong if she thinks she’s getting rid of him after barely one minute of battling the dragon guarding Even’s lair, though. “He was doing really well before you came into his life, you know. He went off his meds because of _you_ , Isak,” she accuses.

She means for her words to sting, and they definitely do, but they only make Isak more determined to talk this all out with Even. He feels a progressively rising desire to know for sure how Even actually feels, not just what Sonja is claiming. Even doesn’t like that, Isak remembers—doesn’t like Sonja controlling him because she doesn’t _know_ how Even feels.

“Well, let him tell me all this himself!” Isak practically shouts, much too loud for the corridor of an apartment building. “Can I just _talk_ to him?”

 _If this doesn’t work_ , Isak thinks, _I’m just going to have to shoulder my way past her…_

“Isak.”

Hearing his name voiced by the one person he’s been aching for since he left the hotel suite that night, Isak can’t help but tear up. The second he looks up at Even, towering over Sonja with those big blue eyes staring straight at him, Isak feels the dam burst. He launches himself at Even, not caring in the slightest that he has to nudge Sonja out of his way to do so.

“I’m sorry,” Isak whispers, unable to choke out anything stronger as he tries to hold back the ugly kind of sobbing he knows he’s capable of. His arms wrap around Even’s shoulders as tightly as he can manage before he squeezes. Isak wants to hold Even so tightly that he becomes a part of him, and he wants Even to do the same. He wants them never to let each other go again.

There’s a tense moment where Isak doesn’t know if he’s overstepped because Even is standing so still, his long, pale arms motionless at his sides. Isak nearly releases him and steps back to give Even some space, but before that train of thought can leave the station, Even’s arms move to fold Isak up into his broad chest, tucking Isak’s head underneath his chin and digging between Isak’s ribs.

“So skinny,” Isak hears Even teasingly whisper. He responds by releasing a shaky exhale and burying his face further into Even’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, pressing his right palm deeply into the middle of Even’s back and then rubbing it up and down. “I should have been here with you, I shouldn’t have just told you to stop messaging me like that. I was just so—“

“Hey, hey,” Even says, pulling back a bit from the embrace to look Isak in the eye. “Let’s go to my room, yeah? Sonja, you mind?” He’s speaking to Sonja, but Even never takes his eyes off Isak’s, sending a pleasant zing up Isak’s spine and settling his nerves just a little bit, too. He sees Sonja grabbing her coat and bag in his peripheral vision and hears the door slam while Even leads him back to his bedroom then up to his bed. They burrow under the duvet together, facing one another, Isak’s left hand clasped in Even’s right between them. Even uses his free hand to prop his head up on the pillow, and Isak’s rests in a position on the bed so that his fingertips graze the base of Even’s throat when he moves them.

And they talk. Isak apologizes again for his hurtful, thoughtless words in the locker room and for cutting him off, and Even forgives him. Even apologizes for confusing Isak and not telling him about his illness, and Isak forgave him before even coming here but relays the sentiment to Even anyway.

                                                            * * *

“I’m sorry it took me so long, as well,” Isak says when he pulls away from the continuous, soft, easy kissing that has them both melting into the mattress.

“I understand,” Even answers quietly, pressing his lips to the side of Isak’s nose. Isak notes that Even seems to like doing that quite a bit, so he tries it for himself on Even, earning a smirk and an eyebrow raise. Isak blushes but doesn’t hide his face because he doesn’t want to look away from him.

He leans in to kiss Even again, this time on the mouth and barely-there, before admitting, “I was scared… that, I was wrong about…your feelings. For me. But I shouldn’t have doubted you, even after Sonja said—“

Even interrupts him with a thumb pressed to Isak’s bottom lip. “What did she say? Just now, before I came out?”

“She just told me again that I needed to stay away from you, that I’m not—“

“Again?” Even begins to look alarmed. “Isak, I told you not to talk to her. Did you speak to her? Before today, I mean?” His face gets closer and closer to Isak’s as he talks.

“Well, yeah. ‘Cause she was the one who told me the police had found you, that night. She met me, like, when I was out looking for you—“

“You went looking for me?” It is ridiculous to Isak that Even would be surprised that he would have gone to search for him after Even took off from their hotel room for no good reason, and completely naked at that…

“Of course, Even, of course I did. Shh, stop interrupting. She told me that you were safe, and she told me about your mania. But, um,” Isak hesitates but knows it’s important for Even to understand part of why he has been so confused. He trudges on, unevenly, “She said that you couldn’t, like, be in love with me because I’m an, uh, a sick idea you’re having, or whatever. Something like that…”

Isak manages to finally make eye contact with Even only to see the other boy’s eyes squeezed shut. Isak reaches out a tentative hand to run it over Even’s forehead and through his hair, landing at the back of his neck and cupping it gently before whispering Even’s name. “It’s okay,” he assures. “We’re going to be okay, yeah?”

Even nods, opening his eyes and kissing Isak like that--with both of their eyes open for just a moment— before they lose themselves in it. They always do when they get close like this, but Isak feels lighter than he has kissing Even in a long time. Probably since that day after Halloween, really. Isak should have known after the pool incident that Even would be so…everything, to him. It’s worth it, Isak decides, all the difficult shit. His dad must not have loved his mum like Isak loves Even, for him to be able to leave her like he did. All Isak wants to do is protect Even and make him just as happy as Even can make him.

“I love you,” Isak tells Even later that night, after hours of talking, sleeping, making out, and fucking. 

Even smiles, his wide blue eyes crinkling up at the corners and his teeth peeking out from his lovely mouth. “In just this universe?”

“No,” Isak says. “In all of them. In infinite time.”

Even places several kisses all over Isak’s face and ears, making Isak squirm and scrunch up his nose and brow. He’s grinning though, thoroughly endeared by Even’s antics, as always. “I love you, too. I think all the Evens out there love all the Isaks. Every time.”

Isak nods, leaning down to rest his head on Even’s shoulder and skimming a finger along his collarbone. “Mhm.”

“Doesn’t it feel like that to you?” Even asks, tilting his head down to see Isak’s face. “Like we’ve known each other for much longer than we have?”

Isak nods again, sitting up and trying to shove Even into the position he wants him in, so that Isak can crawl between his legs and face him, laying down so that they are chest to chest, nose to nose. “Yeah, it does.”

“Good,” Even says.

If someone told Isak half a year ago that he would be here, wrapped up under the covers with a boy named Even, who has a controlling, maybe not quite ex-girlfriend and a case of bipolar disorder, but nonetheless is a boy whom Isak is disarmingly in love with, he would have completely written them off. It’s wild to think that he can lie here, staring only at Even and doing nothing else, and not be bored at all. Instead, Isak is fascinated—enthralled, really—by Even’s face, particularly his big, blue eyes, ones that Isak can never forget now that he’s known them like he has. He thinks that nothing can make him as happy as this, just being with this man and sharing the same space, feeling the same love for each other and basking in it together. Earlier today, there was a possibility that Isak wouldn’t have this, and acknowledging that only makes Isak hold Even tighter to him. He’s serious—he doesn’t want to let him go again.

 

 


End file.
